Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
