Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
