Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
