walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
