Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
