I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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