i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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