OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
