The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
