ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
