Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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