I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
