a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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