I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
