Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
