I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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