Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
