I cockslap morals
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
