i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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