he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
40s are totally the cure
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
