My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
