after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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