I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
