Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
