happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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