battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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