The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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