i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
