I feel like abortions should bother me more
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
