his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
