that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't turn off my feet"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
