Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
