90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Randomize
