so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
