come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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