butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
