He uses pillows to masturbate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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