does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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