woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
