Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Less talking, more tequila
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
