Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
