I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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