Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
