I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
