On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
