During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again