i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this beer tastes like vomit already
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.