somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
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Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.