Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped