I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize