So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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