Just fell off a train. Bad.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's the barista slut.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
