we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha