i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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