So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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