but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
