Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
