You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
