I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
