I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
