question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
