i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
