He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
