he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
