I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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