We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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