Please, let me fuck your mom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
