i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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