it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
